Our lives are influenced and guided by our sense of “self.” When we refer to our self – I believe, I think, I feel – it is important to ask what self, what “I,” we are referring to. Is it our customary, personal day-to-day self, or our natural, inner self? Which “self” have we placed at the center of our life?
We can imagine our life as a mandala with a central hub and spokes radiating out to the periphery. Our sense of self is located at the central hub. It is our operating system. The character of our life is sourced and determined from this center. When we awaken to the possibility that we can re-design our life, we get to choose which self we place at the center of our life. It can be our acquired personal self or our natural, true self. That choice makes all the difference.
What we place at the center of our life will define how we experience the world. When our small personal self is at the center – past history, ideas, perceptual patterns, and learned identities – will determine the character of our relationships, reactions, and life. For most of us that is our default, perhaps for a lifetime. We are defined and guided by the automaticity and acquired traits of our personal identity that we have placed at the center of our existence.
Yet, that is not how we started life. We were born into a simple awareness – no past history, no fixed perceptions, or identities. We were just present, open, unconditioned, and aware. I do not wish to glamorize this youthful and innocent presence and innocence, as individuation must occur to live a full human life.
However, as a result of individuation, we spend our adult years functioning under the influence of our personal self. It is the default center of our being. Life has its achievements and delights as well as difficult challenges. But the self-centered, protective, defensive, and self-righteous character of the personal self permeates our day-to-day experience. It is the source of subtle and gross distress, anxiety, and suffering that we falsely consider an unavoidable part of human life.
Too often we follow the faulty operating system of the small self. That’s how we are programmed. We’ve placed the wrong “self” at the center of our life. We live with small self- leadership rather than large Self-leadership. And that, is the realization we must arrive at if we are to transform our life, if we are to shift from person to presence.
We may check on this moment-to-moment by simply asking “Who is in charge right now? Is it my small self or my larger self?” We know the feeling of tenseness and contraction of body, mind, and spirit when the small self is in charge. We also know the feeling of openness, heart, expansiveness, and ease when the larger Self is at the center of our being. Which self is leading us right now? How easily can we switch from the small self to the larger Self?
What is it like to live under the guidance and leadership of our larger Self? Can you remember an experience of openness and flow? Do you remember the wonderment, awe, and curiosity of a child? Can you recall as an adult a moment of flow in nature, intimacy, music, art, dance, or other such moments? All of a sudden, likely unknown to you, in that moment your personal self dropped away, revealing your natural self, your simple moment-to-moment awareness that temporarily becomes the center of your life.
We have learned to falsely trust our small self with its limits and protections. We are accustomed to it driving our life, avoiding dangers, and gathering pleasures. But there will be a time when we recognize that our limited self can never offer us a stable, serene, wise, and fulfilled life. That is when we can correctly identify the problem and apply the appropriate remedy, re-installing our true self at the center of our being. That leads us to meditation, the contemplative life, and Self-leadership.
When our life unfolds from that center, it will be authentic and clear, easeful and peaceful, content and creative, wise and loving. At any moment in life a choice and shift are possible. We transform our life by choosing the central core of our being, shifting from the limited personal self to an expansive and natural presence.