All great religious and philosophical traditions have arisen as a means by which to enable individuals to move beyond the inevitable stress, distress, and suffering of human life. The continued existence of these long-held traditions is a statement of the universal human desire for sustained happiness and peace. The methods developed and promoted by these traditions uniformly proclaim the very real possibility of such an exalted, expansive, and satisfying life.
In modern times we give minimal attention to the teachings of these traditions. We already believe, regardless of personal and societal evidence to the contrary, that we know the way to a better life. And that way is through the acquisition of material goods, name, fame and position, sensual delights, the “perfect” relationship, drugs, and self-help programs – which fill in when emptiness and meaninglessness break through. If we could “successfully” harness the resources of the outer world, human life will progress towards a state of permanent peace and happiness, so we believe. Happiness and peace can be achieved through doing and acquiring until we succeed. That is the belief and passion that drives Western civilization. It is also its veiled fallacy.
Unwilling to acknowledge and expose the destructive delusion of this approach to the good life, we can neither avoid nor overcome its consequences. The consequences of this consensual delusion are reflected in the epidemics of our time – stress, post-traumatic stress, anxiety, attention disorders, mood disturbances, destructive emotions, addiction, a runaway overactive mind, addictions, and violence. That in itself should convince us of the futility of our modern day approach to a better life, but it does not.
Our conditioned and misguided effort to seek peace and happiness through outer means is deeply ingrained in our psyche and continuously re-enforced. We are therefore stuck in a habituated cycle of outer seeking, craving, grasping, and attachment, followed by unavoidable loss, frustration, disillusionment, and mental distress. But, we cannot see it. We just cannot see it. We are too immersed in it, too deceived by it, too committed to this devastating misunderstanding. It is our unending fall from Grace.
So let’s stop and look at the essential teachings of these forgotten and ignored traditional sources of wisdom. They are quite similar in content and contain three essential elements. The first, which I will focus on in this writing, is recognizing and letting go of the faulty perspective described above – the view that a sustained peace, happiness, and larger life can be gained through the temporary pleasures of conventional life. The second requires turning the mind inward to reveal the authentic source of freedom, peace, and happiness – a process whose ultimate intent is to be of benefit to others. This step leads to the final step, the establishment and stabilization of an inner well-being, which is the basis for a healthy human life. The third essential element, which may differ from one tradition to another, involves the realization of the ultimate source and truth of life itself. These are the three essential ingredients of the time-tested path to a larger life: letting go, opening up, and seeing life as it actually is.
My focus here is on the first step – letting go of faulty beliefs and their related actions. Traditionally this is called “renunciation,” but that is a term that is a bit dramatic, intense, and harsh for those of us living in modern times. For us, it is more a process of gradually awakening to an awareness of the unavoidable frustrations and distress associated with an attachment to fleeting worldly sources of satisfaction. This leads to a gradual and inward turn, a natural cultivation of insight, wisdom, and skillful choices, which support a larger life. That larger life, that inner well-being is characterized by a happiness, peace, freedom and inner confidence that has no reason, no cause. It just is. It is our innate nature. And because it is not dependent on outer experiences it is permanent and indestructible. And that is the gold that we are searching for.
It is difficult, very difficult, to write to you about the breakdown that occurs when we recognize and acknowledge our mistaken confidence in the ability of people, experiences, or things to serve as reliable and trustworthy sources of happiness and peace. Coming to terms with this truth brings with it, at first, a certain poignancy, tenderness, wounding, and loss. That is how it is in the beginning when we let go of cherished beliefs before we have developed a stable access to our authentic inner source. There is a wounding that occurs when we first awaken from confusion. It is a disorientation, groundlessness, and sadness that comes when a long held belief, upon which lives are built, is seen for what it is – a false and consuming fairy tale concocted by misdirected materialism.
At times this wound comes as a sudden jolt. We suddenly and irreversibly see our misguided direction. More often it occurs again and again for short periods of time, following experiences of emotional distress. It is an in-between time – a time between two worlds, one known and another as yet unknown. We may identify it by feelings of doubt, confusion, emptiness, groundlessness, meaninglessness, frustration, deep sadness, a tender vulnerability. Such times can be a golden gateway to a larger life. More often, they are experienced as mere moments of distress, awaiting relief from the next sought-after transitory pleasure.
I know this wound well from my own life. I have lived it over and over. Our conditioning is quite tenacious, persistent, and demanding. Even when we repeatedly feel frustration and loss, we head down the same well-worn path once again. We try harder and harder to harvest peace and happiness – or at least moments of transitory relief – from the outer world. It surely must be the next person, the next thing, or a better experience. The problem, it seems, is not that we are searching in the wrong place. It is only that we have not as yet found the “right” experience. Secured it in the right way. A bit more knowledge, caution, discernment will certainly resolve this problem, won’t it? So, with enthusiasm we continue this endless cycle.
The reality that undermines the false promise of materialism is the invariable truth that all experiences are impermanent. Nothing remains constant and unchanging. Change may be subtle and imperceptible, or rapid and chaotic. However it shows up, impermanence and change are assured. That is how it is. Nothing lasts forever, desirable or undesirable, pleasure or pain.
What is born must die. Where there are meetings there will be separations. Where there is accumulation there will in time be exhaustion. There will be an end to fame and fortune, pleasure and displeasure. The continuity of life continues unabated regardless of our efforts to stop and freeze it in a pleasurable direction. Nothing remains as it is. And eventually, the realities of aging, disease and death set in. If we have not done the inner work that allows for the penetrating wisdom that knows truth, these inevitable final movements of life will also be the final suffering of an unawakened existence.
I have learned to have great compassion and patience with myself. It is simply the nature of our humanness to follow “trusted” habits and beliefs, even when they lead nowhere When we begin to awaken we fall back again and again. And it is often the very wounding of awakening – the temporary groundlessness, tenderness, sadness, and loss – that may thrust us back into well-worn ways. That is just how it is. There is no need to judge ourselves. That is only counterproductive and self-betraying. We are humans and that is how we work. We must be able to see and be with our humanity however it shows up. And, much as the toddler learning to walk, we must be able to get up again, brush ourselves off, and re-enter the path that leads to a larger life. Patience and self-compassion are part of that path.
I am not going to try to convince you of the truth of this existential dilemma. It won’t work. You must, over time, see it for yourself. That seeing may be gradual or it may come as a quick “aha” when we are shocked into it at times of great suffering or loss. We don’t put on a winter coat until we are cold, and we don’t awaken until we consciously suffer our false beliefs time and time again. For most individuals this may not come in this lifetime. That is the unfortunate truth.
But others are more fortunate. Call it “good karma” if you wish. It is that spark that sits in some individuals that will not let go until truth be known. It is a nagging sense that there is more, a sense that “doing” cannot teach us “being.” It is a recognition that happiness and peace, dependent on outer experiences, is neither trustworthy nor reliable. It is an unquenchable thirst for the fullness of life. But even for these fortunate ones, nothing I can say will protect you from the poignancy, tenderness, and sadness of the wound of awakening that arrives when one finally realizes that ones entire life search has been in the wrong place, has been in vain. A colossal mistake, as tragic as it is comic.
Yet, there is a growing sense of relief when one realizes that in actually it is not the outer pleasures of life that are the problem, but rather our attachment to them and the absence of an inner life. It is our mistaken craving, grasping, attachment, and eventually addiction to outer pleasures that lands us in trouble. So it is not necessary to let go of the delights of human existence, but rather, we can enjoy them fully, but with a constant knowledge of their fleeting nature. Come and gone like a rainbow. Come and gone like waves rising and falling into the sea. Come and gone like clouds moving through the sky. Enjoy and let go. Enjoy and let go. Enjoy and let go. That is the mantra. Easy to say, but far more difficult to accomplish.
So we must do a bit of work to get there. The relief – in the form of an increasing sense of inner well-being and confidence – arrives when we recognize our circumstance, turn inward, and progressively open mind and heart. The basic tool we use is meditation, as both a formal sitting practice and a series of daily practices seamlessly integrated into day-to-day life.
Meditation is to the mind as the microscope is to the body. It is the instrument that allows us to see the nature of our mind, how it works, its mistaken ways, the authentic and permanent sources of well-being, and finally its essential truths of self and life. Until we can understand the body, we cannot apply the proper remedies to its disorders and properly support its natural state of balance. Similarly, until we understand the mind we cannot apply the proper remedies to insure mental and spiritual well-being.
This process of an inner self-education, as in any educational endeavor, requires a teacher and curriculum. The method is study, reflection, and practice. The curriculum is available. Our wise elders and healers have handed it down to us. It is clear, precise, and time-tested. We do not have to create a new one. We are gifted with the efforts and work of generations of scientists of the mind.
But, as with any education, we cannot do it alone. That is particularly true when working with the mind and spirit. For here we are not only learning something new, but we must simultaneously overcome our tenacious conditioning, biased perceptions, and habitual patterns. As well, we must overcome the relentless outer pressures to conform to a faulty but pervasive belief system, pressures that are the provenance of the fields of advertising, marketing, and retailing.
Fortunately, there are increasing numbers of competent teachers and groups of individuals taking the turn inward towards an authentic and enduring well-being. However, one must be careful in selecting a teacher, very careful. Look for an individual that has learned within a tradition, an individual who has his own teachers, walks his talk, and is patient and generous of spirit. Use your discernment and move on when necessary.
This first but essential step – the realization that nothing outside of us can provide a secure and reliable happiness and peace – is a step we must take if we are ever to have a larger life. And with this step, we must be willing to walk with the temporary poignancy and tenderness associated with the loss of what has been the foundation of our life’s efforts. If we an accomplish this first step, we can then begin this turn inward, which, as we are informed by all traditions, is a trustworthy, reliable, and direct path to a larger life of well-being of body, mind, and spirit – the proverbial “more to life” that we seek for ourselves, others, and our planet.
I implore you to hear these words that come from heart in your own heart. Life is too valuable and short to aimlessly wander in search of life’s richest gifts. To quote the words of the poet Mary Oliver, “Tell me, what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
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