Notes From a Fellow Traveller

Glimpses of Beyond

 Glimpses of Beyond

We have all experienced glimpses of a larger consciousness that lies beyond our personal identity and day-to-day life. These glimpses are characterized by a sense of flow, ease, wholeness, peace, delight, and freedom. They are a welcome release from the day-to-day struggles of our usual self and life. We would, of course like, to know what causes these glimpses so that we can re-create them at will.

However, unlike ordinary experience these special moments have no cause. They unexpectedly and spontaneously reveal themselves when our personal self, with all of its habit patterns, reactivity and mind talk drops away, dissolves, disappears. Like the sun, clearly visible when the obscuring clouds move away, our essential self, always present, is seen in its natural luminosity when the obscuration of our personal identity dissipates.

There are however certain circumstances or events that may facilitate the dropping away of our personal identity. These may include an absorption in nature, beauty, dance, music, intimacy, art, meditation, or a religious experience. There is a common element in each of these. For a moment they draw attention away from our personal self and in that absence, when we are fortunate, our true nature spontaneously reveals itself for a glorious moment through the crack in the egg of our ordinary world. We are touched by a fresh known but unknown touch of aliveness and wholeness. Unfortunately, although we have all had that experience, we miss its meaning. What we mistakenly take and label a serendipitous pleasant experience is in actuality a profound window into our essential nature, our authentic self. That is the meaning we have missed. We touch the divine and experience it as mundane pleasure.

But there is more. Not only do we mistake that glimpse as another transient pleasurable experience, but we falsely attribute it to the immediate circumstance. We say its cause was being in nature, absorbed in art, and so on. The activity or circumstances does have a role, but not a causal one. For a moment, it dissolves our tenacious personal self with all its related mental activity. When this obstacle to experiencing our natural self is removed, what is spontaneously revealed is what is already and always within us, our essential self.

Our natural ever present self is neither created nor caused by the transient dissipation of our personal identity. When the veil of our personal identity is lifted, our true self is naturally and spontaneously revealed, as what it is and has always been at the core of our being. Consider an aquarium with silt. We would say the water is dirty. When the silt settles to the bottom, we would say the water is clear. But the water was always clear. It was only obscured by silt. The settling of the silt did not create clear water. It merely revealed what is there all the time.

Why is this distinction essential? First, if we do not recognize these glimpses as windows into who we are and have always been, we miss these special opportunities that unexpectedly reveal to us the nature of our true self. And second, if we take these glimpses as pleasurable moments caused by a particular activity or circumstance, we will seek to re-create that circumstance, and that is the beginning of an addiction. Too often we have the experience and miss the extraordinary meaning. Life goes on in its usual, ordinary, and limited way. We touch the sacred and divine and return empty handed.

All spiritual practices, meditation included, serve to quiet the ordinary mind and diminish the influence of our personal self and its tenacious conditioning. It is sort of like cleaning our room in preparation for a special visitor. Merely resting in the most subtle and still aspect of the personal mind is a healing antidote to the fears, anxieties, reactivity, and urgency of modern life. It enhances the quality of day-to-day life. But it does not take us beyond, to the essence of our self and its treasures.

With practice and understanding we slowly become less entangled in the dramas of daily life which promise much but fail to deliver. One drama leads to another and then another. There is no rest and no satisfaction. However, as we increasingly dwell in stillness these small islands of peace and clarity become larger land masses. We discover our personal self has been an unreliable and untrustworthy partner in the search for peace and happiness. Its influence softens and diminishes, and our interest turns inward towards a more trustworthy essential self.

 As we turn our attention inward, and if we are fortunate, now and then unexpectedly and spontaneously a sacred breeze will embrace us, and its grace will offer the sacred union with the one that we seek in our journey home. It may just be a glimpse, but if we continue to move the clouds, the obscurations of our personal self, we will increasingly live from this glorious and noble center of our being.

And if you are fortunate to glimpse what lies beyond you will know it to be who you truly are. Blessed, you will dwell in your true nature. To the one who is truly devoted to a precious human life these glimpses will become one’s life.

Elliott's Website

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The Life Story of a Personal Self

The Life Story of the Personal Self

We are so closely identified with our personal self that we rarely give consideration to its origins or to the possibility that it’s only a fraction of our possibilities, a fragment of who we are. But what if we are wrong? What if our personal identity is only a fragment of our possibilities, an over-sized sliver of consciousness that’s mistaken for the totality of our being? Understanding its development, content, and false promises can enable us to awaken from a predictable and automated life to the totality of our being. That precious possibility is hidden from the uninquiring mind.

We are born with an unconditioned consciousness that is aware of the stream of unfiltered sensory and mental experiences – aware of what is as is without labeling or judgments. There is no sense of possessiveness, no time, no memory, no preferences or aversions, and no sense of a personal identity. That primary, simple, direct, and uncontrived awareness is our fundamental nature, then and now it is the ground of our being. I have often quoted the words of William Wordsworth, which bring to mind the heart, purity, simplicity and innocent awareness that characterizes our forgotten original nature.

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

However, born into human life we are destined to develop a circumscribed personal self – a personal identity – in order to live human life within society. There are several progressive steps to this unavoidable mental creation. It’s important to understand each one.

The first step can be called the “mere I.” It begins when we are given a name. The mere “I” is the simplest and most stripped-down version of what will over time develop into a complex personal identity. It’s utilitarian in nature. It can carry out the necessary chores of daily life without the limitations and complexities of a fully developed and conditioned personal self. We can recognize it when it appears in daily life. It is quiet, efficient, and peaceful as it goes about its tasks, as compared to the more complex “I” that is joined with stress, anxiety, urgency, and judgment.

Over time, the mere “I” is destined to further evolve as it takes on an increasing sense of individuality, the sense of an independent, autonomous “I.” This is called solidification, objectification, or reification of the “I.” This separate individual self, mentally created, defined, and limited by past history becomes cut off from our natural self. Having lost recognition of this source, this acquired identity falsely masquerades as our true nature.

This shift towards the fallacy of an independent individual self, is the key moment at which our solidified sense of self and our new-born individualism cause a disconnect from others, our natural self, and our planet. Where there was once one, there is now two. Individualism is by definition separateness.

But there is more. The mentally constructed personal self is by nature self-centered. It’s concerned about its own survival, security, and happiness. It’s drawn to experiences and people that provide pleasure, albeit temporary, and pushes away unpleasant experiences. It is at its core self-cherishing. A personal life and world are, established based on this self-centered individuality. There are almost 7 billion people on our planet and that means 7 billion self-centered “worlds” each concerned first about itself.

A seemingly independent personal “I” learns to defend itself against any and all imagined threats. This defensiveness is accompanied by a protectiveness and self-righteousness, which further insulates our contracted self and obscures our deeper dimensions.

So here we are with the burden of an over-sized inflated fictional “I” that runs our life, hides our true nature, and directly results in the emotional afflictions that overtake and disturb the natural harmony of body, mind, and spirit. And that is the life story of our mentally created fictional “I” – from a simple and functional mere “I” to a complex and highly dysfunctional personal “I.” We live a fraction of our whole and that’s how we find ourselves in both personal and social disharmony.

What is the solution to this dilemma? What is the antidote to this destructive belief in an inflated personal self? The primary antidote is awareness. Awareness allows us to stand back and observe our multi-layered personal self rather than be enmeshed in it.

We begin by practicing an awareness-based meditation. We learn to touch into an awareness that is empty of the history, habits, and conditioned perspectives. This awareness is a “transitional” state between identification with the acquired “I” and what lies beyond. Awareness enables us to progressively realize the difference between who we are and who we have become. We discover the simplicity of being right here and now, experiencing what is and what has always been.

In daily life we open up and soften our tight and contracted personal self, letting go of the layers of an inflated personal self and resting in a simpler beingness. Take a break during the day and stop, allow more space, settle in, let go of who you are not, trust the unfolding of life, come from heart, and experience the simplicity of who you are. Try it whenever you can.

In time, we will have had enough of the exhaustion and disappointment of cherishing an imagined self. Piece-by-piece the tight, limiting, and contracted personal self will soften and drop away. At first there will be brief and unexpected meetings with the timeless beauty of life. Slowly, these experiences will coalesce into extended moments of a simple blessed beingness. What was once one, then became two, will again become one. Progressively, we will bring the story and drama of the fictional self to an end. Free of the illusion of the personal self, we discover our original nature and a profound freedom to be.

There came a time

when the risk to remain tight in the bud

was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.

….. Anais Nin

www.elliottdacher.org

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Calm Mind or Still Mind

Calm Mind or Still Mind

When I visit an Arboretum, I’m overtaken by the harmony and beauty that slows and calms mind, body, and spirit. What might have once been an uninspiring patch of land has been cultivated and maintained with design, skill, and care into an oasis of peace - a respite in the surroundings of an otherwise busy world.

When I roam the uncultivated and unmaintained nature of meadow, stream, mountains, or sea, I experience a very different inner stillness. That experience not merely calms, it evokes something deeper, something still and timeless, a remembered home. Although difficult to recognize at first, there is a subtle but very significant difference between these two experiences - a felt and true distinction between a cultivated calmness and a natural uncultivated stillness. That distinction is well known to experienced meditators. and can be recognized by each of us, when carefully observing our inner experience.

Let’s step back for a moment and review the difference between our two “selves” – our ordinary ego-based self and our underlying natural and authentic self. We will then see that the continuum that connects calmness and restlessness is a characteristic of the former. A pervasive and unchanging stillness is characteristic of the latter.

The “I” we know as our day-to-day self is itself cultivated. It does not exist at birth. As we enter the process of naming and individuation we create and cultivate our seemingly unique and distinct personality, our ordinary self – a collection of experiences, history, memories, patterns of perception and reaction that are mentally “strung” together to appear as a continuous history– our personal self. Over our lifetime we can further “cultivate” this personal self with efforts at self-improvement and psychological development. Using various approaches, we can gain greater insight, enhance day-to-day functioning, improve relationships, increase happiness, diminish reactivity, and establish a greater mental calm. This is a remarkable achievement. But it has a serious downside.

Innate to individualism is a disconnection from others, our essence, and our earthly home. The belief that we are an individual and distinct self is at the heart of this disconnection. The personal self is innately defensive, protective, and self-centered. As we upgrade our personal self these characteristics may become subtler and unseen. But given the right circumstances they can re-assert themselves, disturbing our carefully cultivated personal and upgraded self. We all have had the disillusioning experience of old reaction patterns suddenly re-appearing, just when we were certain we had moved beyond.

So here is the distinction between a cultivated personal sense of “calmness” and a natural uncultivated “stillness.” The former is always on a continuum with restlessness. Visiting the Arboretum, like engaging in a relaxation technique, will move me towards the calm end of the continuum. But as soon as I leave the Arboretum or stop the method, the shift is back towards the restless end of the continuum. I am sure you have noticed the short lived calm after meditation, a yoga session, massage, vacation, or other methods or circumstances that cultivate mental calmness. That’s why there is an ongoing struggle with the overactive mind. You cannot, through mental will or effort, tap into the unchanging and uncultivated stillness that lies beyond ordinary mental calm.

Method induced or mentally created approaches to calmness are not the same as the stillness found in simple uncultivated nature or the simple uncultivated natural self. In each instance an inner silence is present that is natural rather than mentally created. It is inseparable from the natural state. We can say that this stillness is an essential, ever present, and unchanging perfume of what is spontaneously and naturally alive. Consider this image of a simple natural stillness offered by the poet T.S. Eliot: And the children in the apple-tree … A condition of complete simplicity.

Unlike mental calmness that is induced by a method or circumstance, natural stillness is not on a continuum with restlessness. It is pervasive, permanent, and unchanging. When we rest in our natural self, irrespective of outer challenges or mental “noise” these challenges occur in the context of a profound yet simple unmoving stillness, allowing us to navigate life’s difficulties with a stability and stillness that is unaffected by surface experiences. It can be compared to the deep sea which is unmoved by the shifting waves on its surface. Everything is experienced, but the ground upon which it plays out remains stable and still.

Unlike a transient mental calmness, natural stillness is the gateway to authentic creativity, insight, and realization of our true self and reality. Insight and truth are spontaneously known when we pass through the gate of simple natural stillness. In time, that innate knowledge points the way to the stable experience of natural being and the awakened qualities of human flourishing.

What the seeker truly seeks is its own essence – the natural self with its built-in serenity and stillness. We can arrive at this through the practice of meditation that emphasizes dropping into the natural self during formal practice, by intentionally dropping into natural moments of stillness during the day, and by appreciating those unplanned moments when we spontaneously experience effortless flow and natural stillness. In time, you will discover that stillness is at the core of all activity. Merely stop, drop in, and you will know.

With practice and experience you will realize the difference between a circumstance or method-based calmness, and a natural uncultivated stable stillness that is present every moment. With certainty, you will know this natural stillness when you experience it. The bible calls it the peace that surpasses understanding. When you touch it, you will let go of your varied relaxation techniques and cultivated circumstances. Why would you need them? You will progressively and effortlessly live life with a still heart and mind irrespective of the challenges confronting you. And its perfume, the qualities of human flourishing will follow. This authentic and permanent stillness can then become the foundation of your life.

Website: www.elliottdacher.org

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The Illusion of Self-Development

The Illusion of Self Development

If you are fortunate, there will come a time when your attention turns inward. That turn will likely place you on one of two possible paths. The first, the one commonly taken, is the time-based path of self-development and self-improvement. This path is well known to us.

It begins with the assumption that we are our personal self. We engage in workshops, listen to teachers, learn from books and videos, and begin meditation practice, slowly accumulating knowledge and skills over many years. A calmer life, diminished reactivity, improved relationships, helpful insights, and an overall enhancement of individual well-being are the most common results of this effort. This upgrade to the quality of our day-to-day life is a good and worthy achievement.

However, what we cannot see is that this achievement, although remarkable from an ordinary perspective, further obscures the unseen possibilities that lie beyond our personal self – even beyond the most elegant updated version of our personal self. We may feel proud and satisfied with this achievement. Others may praise us as well.

Yet, for all our well intended efforts we have unknowingly ended up with a “booby” prize because our efforts are based on the false assumption that we are our personal self and nothing beyond. Although leading to an improved life, these efforts cannot overcome that false assumption. In actuality they inadvertently strengthen it. Regardless of our good intentions, we enable and sustain, however subtle, the defensiveness, protectiveness, self-cherishing and disconnection that is innate and inseparable from our mistaken investment in the supremacy of individualism. We have gained a somewhat improved self, but have missed the gold.

Cultivating a “healthy” personal life, although a meaningful accomplishment – for self, others, and culture – is the more superficial of the two aims of meditation. It is a preliminary activity, not the main intention. The traditional and ultimate aim of meditation is to transcend the false and tenacious belief in our mentally constructed individual self, upgraded or not, to reveal the further reaches of human potential, of human flourishing, that lies beyond. That noble intent seeks to actualize in our lifetime that subtle and persistent human felt sense that there must be “more to life.” Those, across time and diverse cultures, who have gone beyond the confines of the personal self universally affirm that there is more to life than our ordinary consciousness can know.

That realization, however, cannot be achieved by further effort, striving, discipline, accumulating more and more knowledge, developing advanced meditative skills, seeking the isolation of retreat, or increasing levels of method-dependent mental calm. It cannot be attained through sequential steps of self-development. The ultimate aim of meditation is not to solidify, enhance, improve, or strengthen the illusion of a personal self but rather to deconstruct the mentally fabricated belief that we are our personal self. The profound awakening to universal truth, oneness, compassion, inner wisdom, boundless freedom, and our essential Self can only be experienced beyond the confines of our individual self. It cannot be gained by “doing a better person,” irrespective of the sincere intent or quality of that doing.

For ease of discussion I referred to two possible paths that become available when one turns inward. However, the second path is not actually a path. It is not as if we can GPS it. It is not a movement from one place to another, from a starting point to a specific location, from an intention to a goal. That is not what this second “path” is. Here we begin with the faith and inner knowing, the assumption, that we already are what we seek. We already are truth, freedom, wisdom, and heart, and have always been. That essential self has always been available to us.  It is not developed through effort or achievement. There is nothing further to create, develop, or attain. All that’s required is a turning away from the false learned belief in a personal self and a turning inward towards a simple yet profound effortless presence.

So what is this second “path?” It’s no more or less than revealing what is already there by removing the obstacles that obscure our true and ever-present nature. We simply need to remove these obscurations and create the conditions and circumstances that spontaneously disclose our true self, welcome as the poet says, the stranger who once was ourself.

How do we “do” this? Awakening to the true self (irrespective of the culture, philosophical, shamanistic, meditative or religious traditions) is identical in its essence. The first and essential condition is ego-dissolution, the loss of our exclusive and tenacious belief that we are the personal self, a “self” patched together by the mind from past experience, memory, and the habits of conditioning. Once our belief in the ego self dissolves, we are released from the shackles of this illusion and then the essence of life spontaneously reveals itself by itself. That is the universal awakening experience simple and effortless, requiring only openness, a welcoming attitude, spaciousness, letting go, and letting be.

Fortunately, we have all had the experience of ego dissolution more than once. We just didn’t recognize it at the time. Remember a time – in nature, intimacy, dance, music, art – when for a moment or longer you experienced a state of flow, joy, peace, and wholeness. Everything felt complete and natural. Unknown to you at that time, the momentary life circumstance allowed your personal self to spontaneously and effortlessly dissipate, revealing the experience of the transcendent state. However, it is different to encounter this as a fleeting serendipitous experience, with little understanding of its significance, than to know it as the essence of oneself with intention and stability. So you have had the experience but missed its meaning. You had a glimpse of what lies beyond the ordinary mind and self. You had a glimpse of the experience of ego dissolution and the revelation of your true self. Next time you will understand the meaning.

When guiding an individual along the first path of meditation, we teach methods to calm the mind, to attain greater mindfulness, and offer lectures, and readings. The formula is learning, reflection, and practice. When teaching the second “path, we abandon methods and directly point at the true self, immediately, from the beginning.

We each have an organic knowing of our true self. We know the feeling of spaciousness, flow, openness, and a natural stillness. We know non-effort, an empty mind, a welcoming soul. It may be a rare experience for you, but I assure you that you retain an organic memory of your essence. With the proper pointing every individual can rapidly drop into their natural self and abide in it for periods of time, gaining familiarity, confidence, and whenever grace finds you ready, a second spiritual birth.

At first your well habituated mind will draw you back. Expect that. It has been protecting its throne your entire life. You will hear comments from your ordinary self like: “It can’t be that simple,” “How can I live this in ordinary life,” “I can’t ‘get there’ by myself.” In time we learn to let these self-sabotaging Siren calls pass like clouds in the sky, leaving no trace. We discover that the lesser, the ordinary mind, cannot comprehend or access the larger mind through its logic, commentary, or doing, but the larger self can comprehend and transform the smaller self. We get two for one. By letting go of who we are not and progressively living in who we truly are we attain both aims of meditation – living in the essential self yet having access to an upgraded personal self, a healthier illusion to play with in the world.

When we first start a formal daily meditation practice, we call that formal time a sitting “meditation.” After the session is over our daily life that follows is called “post meditation.” Now I am pointing to a more advanced understanding of meditation. Whenever you are fully present in your essential self, truth, or authentic nature you are right then, in that moment, in “meditation,” whether that is in your formal practice session or during your usual daily activities. Whenever you are lost in your personal self, its projections, dramas, reactions, and doings, you are in “post-meditation” whether during a formal session or during your daily life. What is essential is your presence and beingness in life, not the formality of a scheduled session.

Once we cease effort, struggle, strategies, manipulation, control, methods, and all similar “doings’ of our ordinary self, we are invited to simply and naturally drop into the effortless awareness of our natural self. Actually, dropping in isn’t quite the term. Once we establish the welcoming conditions our natural self, without effort, spontaneously reveals itself. We clean our room, open the window, and with grace the gentle wind of serenity, contentment, and freedom will gift us the experience of our natural and full possibilities.

Then we will know that in actuality the essence and true experience of meditation is merely a simple awareness, openness, presence and human beingness. Meditation is not a method, but life itself fresh, alive, and vital in each moment. Then there will be no distinction between “meditation” and your life. You will have become who you always have been. Simple, no fireworks, no exaltation, just full being. How ordinary. How stunning.

                                                      www.elliottdacher.org

                         Update: 10-Session Meditation Training

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Stillness

Stillness

When we become free from our habitually overactive mind, a profound natural stillness spontaneously reveals itself. But to permanently free ourself from this day-to-day mind, we must have a full and accurate understanding of how the ordinary mind works, so we no longer fall prey to its habits, reaction patterns, past history, and conditioned mental activity. Freed from the dominance of ceaseless mental activity, our usual sense of self dissolves, clarity arises, and a natural inner stillness appears, a stillness that is the ground of our being and is uninterrupted by the flow of life’s circumstances and challenges. And that natural stillness, as we shall see, is quite different from what we customarily call the calm or quiet mind

You might feel this to be a distant and unimaginable possibility - an unchanging stillness in the midst of everyday challenges? Yet, everyone has experienced a glimpse of this resilient natural stillness – a moment lost in nature, tender intimacy, art, beauty, dance, music, and at other times. Your chattering mind stops and in its place is an experience of stillness, serenity, presence and flow. Recall such a moment for yourself. We usually take this as a mere pleasant moment, failing to recognize its true significance. But if we stop in that moment and experience fully, we will notice the momentary absence of the personal self, which allows the stillness and flow of our true nature to reveal itself. You have each had this experience many times. I urge you not to lose its significance, not to lose its meaning, not to write it off as a mere pleasant reverie, but rather to recognize it is a profound preview of what is possible for an awakened human life.

The stillness I am speaking of is quite different than what we usually call the calm mind. The calm mind is always in relationship to the restlessness of our ordinary mind. A particular circumstance, activity, or method which relaxes and soothes the mind, shifts us momentarily towards the calmer end of the spectrum between calm and restless. However, the potential for restlessness always remains. Remove the circumstance, activity, or method and the restlessness re-appears. We all know what happens as the effect of a massage, a relaxation technique, or a calm day in nature slowly wears off. The active mind re-asserts itself.

The question is how to reveal this natural mental stillness and sustain this delight of freedom, ease, and simplicity in the midst of daily life. The answer is most certainly not more of the same - another technique, addiction to relaxation activities, or withdrawal from life’s movements. Only through the awakening of a truthful and complete understanding of our mind can we disable the underlying source and disturbance of mental restlessness and allow our natural nature to reveal itself. This requires a bit more effort than applying a temporary circumstance or method to the restless mind. But this understanding offers the only promise of a stable, harmonious, and serene body, mind, and spirit irrespective of life’s misfortunes.

For this we must understand the two fundamental wounds of the human experience that result in the restless and distress-prone mind. The first and foundational wound occurs, unknown to us, when our family names us, a seemingly natural and innocuous event. Before we knew our name, we were nameless. We were connected to the whole. There was no “I and Other,” no “I and It.” There is simply the moment-to-moment awareness, presence, and beingness. It is for the young child as the poet Wordsworth describes it:

                          The earth, and every common sight,

                          To me did seem

                          Apparelled in celestial light,

                          The glory and the freshness of a dream.

                           It is not now as it hath been of yore;—

                           Turn wheresoe'er I may,

                           By night or day.

                           The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

Our given name becomes the container for our soon to be developed individuality, a necessary but nevertheless source of future distress. This personal sense of “I” is expanded and filled with the knowledge of approval and disapproval, right and wrong, and shoulds and shouldnt’s, footprints of past history, identities, patterns of perception, and habits of reactivity. Our expansive, unified, and connected world is slowly contracted to a an progressively acquired personal self, one which is invariably disconnected and separated from others, our planet, and most importantly our natural and authentic self. That is our first and primary wound – the mental creation of an individual personal self, accompanied by a firm belief that this personal self is our true self.

Once we have taken on the first human wound, the unquestioned belief in a personal “I,” this sense of self takes on numerous qualities that set-up the second great human wound. Our personal self, by its nature, is protective, defensive, and self-cherishing (“I”- centered.) This is the ground from which emerge a host of afflictive and disturbing emotions such as fear, anxiety, competitiveness, doubt, shame, anger, desire, and so on. These disturbing emotions arise and fall with life’s circumstances but are an invariable consequence of the belief in a personal self and the lost awareness of who and what we truly are. This is not to suggest that we do not live many sweet and pleasurable moments. We do. But the belief in an individual and personal self assures that we cannot avoid the recurrence of afflictive emotions.

Together, these two human wounds are the basis for the restless mind. Don’t be fooled by the moments of calm that arise in response to passing interactions, circumstances, or relaxation techniques. They are not stable and will quickly devolve into restlessness.  A stable stillness is not built into the personal “I.” It is not a capacity of the ordinary mind. We may become quite skilled at inducing mental calm through one approach or another, one circumstance or another, and that is great, but it will never be a stable and pervasive stillness that is immune to outer circumstances.

A stable and pervasive stillness is an unchanging quality of the natural self that comes before and, although hidden by the dominance of our personal “I,” is always present and uncontaminated by past experience and history. To reveal this innermost self requires the decision to turn inward through meditative/contemplative practices, progressively diminish the emphasis on your personal “I,” and establish a lifestyle conducive to inner practice. When the inner life becomes your focus and joy, you will come to know the stable stillness and peace that surpasses understanding. And with that, you will also come to know the other sacred qualities of human flourishing. That is the true aim of meditation. And that is not a meditation. It is life.

                           As the wise teacher says:

                           Not knowing that this state is within one self,

                           How amazing that one searches for it elsewhere!

                           How amazing that so few see it.

So for a moment stop seeking to calm your mind and seek what is beyond. Close your eyes and drop into the expansive field of awareness that is open, spacious, free, and serene. It is right there, right now. You know it by heart. Mental chatter may naturally arise but merely ignore it. Don’t feed it with your attention. Let it come and go on its own. Drop out of your mind, out of your past history, out of your attention to mental movements and rest in your heart. Rest in the serenity, feel the stillness, experience the flow and spaciousness and be fully awake and present. That is who you are. That is a human being. And that stillness is pervasive and permanent.

                                      www.elliottdacher.org

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I Fled Him Down ......

I fled Him down the nights and down the days ….

This first line of a poem written by Francis Thompson has taken residence in my mind ever since it was first spoken to me many years ago. It’s words and cadence steadfastly cease to leave perhaps, I assume, because it touches a deep unrelenting inner truth of which I have to date gained only partial understanding and even less experience.

First, a bit about the author. Thompson had a difficult life marked by poverty, homelessness, ill-health, and opium addiction. He spent his early student years in medical school for which he was ill-suited. However, in time he found writing to be his natural gift and passion. After living on the streets for years, he left a scribbled set of poems on a publisher’s door step, who quickly noted his talent and assisted and mentored him throughout his lifetime. As part of his treatment for Opium addiction he spent years at a pastoral Priory in England where his poetry flourished and his Catholic faith renewed itself. He died in 1907 at the age of 47 years.

I would like to quote a few of the most quoted lines from his most famous poem, The Hound of Heaven.

I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.    ……………..

When I first heard these words, I was touched in a soft and serene place which I knew, but didn’t know. At that time, I could neither have told you who the hound was nor even less so the heaven whose scent it surely and tenaciously pursued. Yet nevertheless something awakened within that would persist over time.

I now realize that Thompson’s hound is a poetic metaphor for the irrepressible urge that “hounds” each of us to recognize and unite with the source of our being, our most natural and essential, or if you wish, divine self. It has taken time, detours, misplaced pursuits, and subtle resistance for the ripening to occur which allowed that inner heaven to subtly reveal itself to this wandering pilgrim, at first in brief glimpses only. That hound within may have had the scent, but for many years it was barely detectable to my ordinary mind.

Do you know your inner hound and the heaven it pursues? Can you sense your hound chasing you, urging you deeper, urging you to go beyond? Does it show-up as a nagging sense that there must be more to life? Can you sense the inner heaven it is pointing toward? Perhaps it’s at times catalyzed by a moment in nature, beauty, dance, music, or intimacy. Look carefully at what happens in these moments. Your personal self drops away, leaving in its absence an incomprehensible glimpse of a natural flow, serenity, and well-being. Are we fortunate enough at these seemingly serendipitous moments to recognize the significance of this glimpse of Self, stop, and know it as our essential and immutable self, our inner heaven?

And how have we learned to hide from our essence, our heaven? What things betray the unchanging presence of our true home? Make your own list. Here are some of mine: procrastination, distraction, meaningless entertainment, trivial conversations, transient pleasures, materialism, busyness, judgments, over-indulging in numbing comforts, mental gymnastics, and finally an unquestioned and tenacious belief that I am my petty personal self and nothing beyond. What would be the individual and cultural result of each of us listening to the call from within, to our inner hound, and acknowledging and living from our true nature?

The poet goes further to say, “All things that betray my essence betray me. All things that betray me betray life.” That phrase shakes me. I don’t usually think of my accustomed and usual activities and attitudes as betraying me, betraying life. I usually consider them as worthwhile pleasures, human comforts, amusing moments, social pleasantries, learned ways to relax. Are these self-betrayals, life-betrayals? Ask for yourself.

What happens in meditation? For a blessed period of time, the outer world, with all of its activities, falls away. The mind stills. No distractions, social requirements, entertainment, tech devices, and so on. At first it can be difficult to calm the restless habit of the mind. It seems to be on automatic, defying efforts to take it out of drive. But if in time we stop logging into the overactive mind, it stills, we ease up, let go, allow life to happen and finally, rest in our natural self. No more hounding, no more urging, home at last to serenity, ease, and contentment.  

Why do we spend a lifetime, individually and as a culture, inventing ways to distract our self, to betray ourself? Why? Is it we fear that without the reference point of an individual self and personal identity we will be lost in a vast abyss of nothingness, or worse? Does your actual experience reveal that to be a truth? Or, do you in actuality reveal a sweet inner heaven? Once again consider what happens when we lose our usual sense of “I” in meditation, immersed in nature, in beauty, dance, art, music, or selfless love? Do we fall apart or do we find our self in a space of flow, openness, ease, and delight? What are we hiding from, anyway?

We must know how and why we hide in order to recognize it moment-to-moment, stop the conditioned ways of hiding, be still, and drop into our natural self. Then, we can show-up in day-to-day life experiencing what was once mundane from the ground of our natural being.

The poet ends with these words:

“I am He Whom thou seekest!”

That which I seek, seeks me. And it is unknown to understanding, known only to experience.

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Gone Beyond

The primary aim of meditation is to go beyond the narrow confines of our ordinary self and experience the immensity of life’s possibilities. It is to free ourself from the tenacious grip of individualism and be born again into our full humanity.

Individualism, with its accompanying habitual and limiting patterns of perception, afflictive and disturbing emotions, ruminating mental chatter, automated reactivity, and an unquestioned false belief that we are this “personal self,” imprisons us in a narrow and contracted life. This does not reject the necessary intellectual and cognitive skills that support and allow us to navigate day-to-day life. Rather it highlights the dilemma of our personal learned psychology which chained to the past and projected into an imaginary future traps us in a tenacious individualism, denying us access to our essential humanity.

Our mentally constructed personal self does not come with birth. We are born as humans, not as individuals. We are born without distinctive names, personalities, patterns of thought and action. That is all acquired, learned. It is who we become, not who we truly are. And try as we do, utilizing an endless array of self-development strategies the personal self - including the improved version - cannot bring us to the authentic and natural serenity, freedom, wholeness, and compassion that is already and always available in our fundamental humanity. We know this by heart. We know there is more to life than what appears on the surface.

Our choice is simple. Either we live a lifetime cultivating the illusion that we are merely this limited individual self - filled with self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and narrowness of thought and action – or we awaken to the resilient eternal truth that there is more to life than our ordinary self can imagine. That knowing provokes us, if fortunate, to go beyond to another dimension, to our natural self, to our humanity. The mantra of the ancient Buddhist Heart Sutra reminds us over and over:

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasaṃgate, Bodhi Svaha

(Gone, Gone, Gone Utterly Beyond, Gone to the other Shore, Oh What an Awakening)

That “other” shore is our shore. The “otherness,” which lies beyond our recalcitrant individualism is our home, our true nature, our human being. Here we find our authentic and grace-giving self, which is seamlessly interwoven with serenity, joy, wisdom, love, and freedom. Beyond our fabricated man-made personal “I” lies the heart center of life.

In the western tradition The Oracle of Delphi conveys it as such:

                               Once you have touched it

                               There is no division:

                               No tearing your heart away

                               For it knows no separation.

How do we re-experience, sustain, and live our true and full humanity? How do we bring this “otherness” into daily life? First, we are told, become aware of your tenacious conditioning – your narrow habits of perception, learned reactivity, biased judgements, and interpretations, and then let go of this false learning. Do not feed these ghosts of times past with your attention. We are then asked to give up the clinging attachment to our constantly shifting identities and mental chatter. And finally, open our mind and heart to a clear and expansive perception/awareness, allowing the vitality of our essential truth, freedom, and “otherness” to be known, when you have disinvested from the unchallenged influence of your surface “I.” Then, rest in the stillness and all-knowing of your essential self, which is foundational and unchanging. Be satisfied with nothing less than who you are and have always been.

Is that difficult? Consider the words of Anais Nin:

                       And the day came

                       When the risk to remain tight in a bud

                       Was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

The alternative is indeed far more difficult. Enmeshed in daily existence, our vision turned outwards, we cannot observe the limitations of our personal “I.” The smaller cannot see the larger. Learned habits serve as thick veils obscuring truth. The cost to us is life itself. The imagined individual is “dead,” a mere reflection of the past. The human is a living thing.

Where do we begin. We begin at the end. We begin by simply and effortlessly dropping into our natural state of “flow,” presence, and being. There are many ways to accomplish this. We all know them through experience – an immersion in nature, selfless intimacy, uplifting art, beauty, music, dance, meditation, and so on. Each of these moments, however momentary, shares a similar dissolution of our personal self. These precious moments of selflessness, however fleeting, reveal the experience of our underlying natural self, flow, and basic humanity. For a precious moment we forget who we have become and experience who we have always been.

Rarely does one understand or recognize the total significance of these moments. It is essential not to take them as mere fleeting pleasures, serendipitous moments to grasp onto, possess, conceptualize, or merely relax into. That would be a costly error, an error that may be at the cost of your life. These fleeting glimpses are intimations of the “other,” of your natural self. When you drop into these moments stop, rest with awareness of this experience of flow and “otherness,” sense it, feel it, know it, and trust it as your essence. But don’t stop there.

If you recognize and cherish these spontaneous experiences as intimations of your authentic self, they may serve as a signpost or reminder, directing you towards time-tested approaches to re-claiming, stabilizing, and owning your essential human beingness. If you are fortunate in your deepest yearnings, these will no longer be mere fleeting pleasures. They will progressively endure as the unchanging essence of who you are.

So we rest in these moments when they naturally and spontaneously occur, recognizing them as our true self and devoting ourself to overcoming our individual self and re-experiencing ourself as a human being. We acknowledge the inner dialogue of our personal self that wants to pull us back to the old ways. “It is not possible to live from this space of beingness and presence.” “It is just a passing moment.” “Get back down to earth.” That’s our old voice, which is unwilling to surrender its authority to that which is greater. So we may need some mentoring, approaches, and practices that will slowly create accessibility, trust, and stability of our natural self.

We begin by cleaning up our psychological room. We become aware of our conditioning, our patterns, our reactivity, our afflictive emotions, and our ego-centricity, and progressively act from kindness, discernment, virtue, and stillness. Cleaning up your “room” will not take you to the “other,” but it will allow more of an opportunity to live with inner stillness, less conditioning, greater peace, and heart. And this ground will progressively open the possibility that moments of otherness will spontaneously appear and in time coalesce into a more sustained experience.

We explore this more intensively in formal meditation and progressively integrate it into daily life. We remember the precious glimpses, drop into them for moments here and there, bring clear awareness to the present experience, abandon what encourages your old life, and cultivate what supports your essential self, and finally - open your heart. Fallbacks will occur, but just get up, dust yourself off, and continue.

Slowly, or perhaps quite quickly, a time will surely come when what you have become will fade in importance and you will have gone beyond, far beyond, to the other shore, an awakening which is irreversible.

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Do Not Believe You Are Who You Think You Are

Do Not Believe You Are Who You Think You Are   You are the imperishable, unchanging, timeless, and nameless essence of being. That experiential truth, however simple when touched, is unreachable by reason, knowledge, or the efforts of our ordinary “I.” It is thickly obscured by the deeply conditioned belief in our familiar ego-self. In actuality, the person we believe we are is a made-up mental construction stored in memory - an accumulation of past experiences, beliefs, habitual patterns, and conditioned reactivity. We are not born with this individual separate self. We are born as human “beings.” The personal self develops later and obscures who and what we truly are. The tenacious belief in a personal self is a disaster to our soul, spirit, communal life, and planet.   However obscured our true self may be, we all know that there is more to life than our day-to-experience. We’ve tasted it. We’ve had glimpses. We know it by heart. That is why we are seekers, seekers searching for a seemingly lost treasure that is none other than our authentic self. If we did not remember, in our most silent and sublime moments, we would not be seeking the serenity, joy, ease, and peace of a simple carefree presence and beingness – our essential unchanging self.   The problem is that we search in the wrong place. Cut off from the inner essence and source of our natural self, modern culture mistakenly points our search towards outer experiences – fame, name, success, materialism, sterile “spirituality,” sexuality, and so on. We are told that we can find what we are seeking in the world of “things” and “doings.” That can easily consume, and often does, a lifetime of searching. Searching in the wrong place the search is never over - just exhausting and disappointing. And the mantra of this futile outer search is “try harder,” “it’s around the corner.” But it's all to no avail. There are certainly moments of happiness and pleasure in this outer search, but like all other outer experiences, they are transient and destined to be lost. The unchanging essence we seek remains unrealized.   However, we can awaken to the recognition of our authentic self and bring an end to the personal distress that is an invariable part of our ordinary self. But for this, we must first look in the correct place, within. When the false belief that we are our personal self begins to fade and we catch increasing glimpses of an expansive, natural, and more serene self, we are ripe for transformation.   Then, meditation becomes quite simple. We spend a bit of time, if necessary, quieting and withdrawing our attention from random mental activity and settle into inner silence – an experience of awareness, observation, being, and presence. We don’t seek to suppress mental active, we merely cease to “log in” or “subscribe” to mental movements. We allow the movements of the mind to come and go, without comment, without attention, without elaboration.   The easeful stillness of awareness and presence is a transitional state between our personal self and natural self. It is not an end in itself. As we increasingly rest in a mere beingness and awareness, we gain increasing access to our authentic self, which is effortless, easeful, and natural. We can begin to observe its qualities and the absence of the usual mental disturbances and afflictions. It is a serene self, a state of unchanging well-being, wisdom, contentment, and true freedom.   Try this small experiment. Close your eyes, drop everything, and quiet your mind. Then ask yourself, without trying to answer with your usual mind, “Who AM I?” Let that question sit with you. You will find that this phrase is like a Zen Koan. You may go through various identities, gender, roles, and so on. But quickly you will notice that you are neither this or that, nor this or that. Stay with the question, “Who Am I?” When your conceptual mind exhausts itself,uselessly trying to find the true self, your mind will go silent. Stop, be present, and there it is. “Who Am I? I AM.” That’s it.   Of course the usual mind will seek to reassert its dominance. You know its voice, “This is only a meditation,” or “How can I live and relate from this space,” and so on. Observe that voice and let it go as well. Remember that all of the great spiritual and wise teachers lived from the inside, and far from their lives being passive, they greatly enhanced the human experience. True presence is a wise experience and profound healer.   So, I ask you to consider dropping the belief that you are your ordinary personal “I,” and look within for the one you have always been, the one that promises to be the gold you seek. This unchanging self will be a resilient self that will accompany you through all of the challenges of daily life, never losing touch with the oneness and sacredness of the whole of life. www.elliottdacher.org Aware, Awake Alive on Amazon

Tonglen

There is a traditional Buddhist Practice called Tonglen. You may know it by its English name – “Giving and Taking” or, “Sending and Receiving.” Its aim is the cultivation of selfless love and compassion. It can be done as a formal daily practice or at spontaneous moments during the day.

The details are simple to understand. We begin by imagining, in the mental field in front of us, the image of a loved one – traditionally one’s mother. We start with the aspiration, riding on the in-breath, that our loved one be free of suffering and the causes of suffering. We can further advance this to the sincere desire of taking upon our self the suffering of others, imagining dissolving it in our heart.

Similarly, with each out-breath we aspire that the other be happy and establish the causes of happiness. We can similarly advance this to the desire to give our happiness and the causes of our happiness to others, knowing that the source within cannot be depleted. This is the basic practice. Breathe out, breathe in, send love and happiness and receive suffering and the causes of suffering.

As mentioned, the practice traditionally begins with the image of one’s mother. Why mother? Because that is the foundational relationship of human intimacy, the essential first experience of selfless love and care, which serves as the primary basis of adult intimacy. Given that reality what person is more deserving of our gratitude, love, care, and selfless attention? So surely, by remembering the selfless love of mother, we can further cultivate love and compassion for others, maximizing the effect of this practice. To their surprise, as Eastern teachers introduced this practice to the West, they ran directly into an unexpected obstacle.

The moment the practice is explained hands go up – “not my mother.” “My mother was this and that,” which was invariably followed by a litany of complaints about mother’s indifferent, negligent, or abusive behavior that permanently “broke” the essential bond of mother/child intimacy - foreshadowing the adult intimacy issues so prevalent in the West. Recognizing this unique dilemma of modern life, a shift took place in how the practice was taught. Alternatively, the Western student is asked to begin the practice by remembering the kindness and care given by a special loved one or give rise to a state of inner quiet and inner well-being, and use either approach as the basis of the practice. The Western issue with mother is thus bypassed.

Let me now explain how I learned this practice in Asia. I learned Tonglen at a 10-day seminar at the Pullahari Monastary in the foothills of Kathmandu. As students, we met as a group 2 hours twice daily. For the first 4 days the teacher would review over and over the ways in which mother was kind and selfless. Little attention was given to the psychological limitations of an immature mother. The emphasis was on the life-giving response to the completely dependent child, which enabled our good fortune to attain adulthood.

He would begin each session recalling the decision, conscious or unconscious, to carry a child, and how this changed a mother’s life. He would then speak of the carrying of a growing child, difficulties of pregnancy, the delivery process, the sleepless nights, challenges of child rearing, and the inherent self-sacrifice over many years of child development, and finally the letting go when the time came. I will spare the very detailed and heartfelt descriptions he gave of this process. But, they were extensive, irrefutable, and heart-touching.

Each day after teachings we would return to our small room to contemplate the kindness and gratitude of our mother. My mother was an immigrant to this country, working 2 jobs as long as I can recall, navigating a difficult marriage, and doing the best to raise her children in a nuclear family. Intimacy was a psychological and logistical impossibility for her. It was only at the end of my mother’s life that some aspect of belated intimacy developed. Yet, I followed the teacher’s instructions. Every day, twice a day, my meditation practice was focused around recalling the elements of self-sacrifice, that to one extent or another are essential aspects of motherhood.

For the first day or two this was an intellectual practice, but then, something shifted, something began to open in my heart. I began to recognize the sacrifices that my “psychologically imperfect” mother did in fact make for my life, enabling a young first generation American to transition through the highly dependent years of infancy to become a physician early on and then gravitate to the mountains of the Himalayas to find the deeper sources of knowledge and healing. What a gift!

Could I have accomplished that without her? Could you have accomplished your life without the self-sacrifices of your mother and others? In my case, the answer was for me a resounding “no.” That is not an assertion of her perfection, far from that, but a realization of my total dependency on her for everything pre- and post-natal. And the fact that I am here today verifies that in her own imperfect way she met that dependency with care, as best as was possible given her circumstance.

By the fourth day of these instructions, reflection, and meditation, I began to feel tears of gratitude well up in my heart and trickle down my face. I began to appreciate, as never before, the extraordinary kindness and self-sacrifice of my mother, followed by father, sister, and others. This appreciation looked past the surface imperfections to the instinctual and good heart of every mother, however obscured it may have seemed at the time.

Once this was accomplished, we were then instructed to drop down into our heart and cultivate these feelings, allowing the recollection of kindness and self-sacrifice to morph into an expansive gratitude. With this achieved, we were then told that we were ready to begin the authentic practice of Tonglen.

We were to take in suffering and give out kindness from the essence of this cultivated heart feeling. Nothing made-up here. The sequence begins with our most cherished ones, moves to unknown others, to those we perceive as difficult, and finally to all of humanity. We begin, of course with mother.

That is how I learned to practice Tonglen and re-immerse myself in the positivity of my mother’s imperfect efforts. I learned to see with gratitude the core of goodness whose care was life-sustaining, and the best possible given their capacities and circumstances. I no longer had to contrive or fabricate the depth of gratefulness and heart that is at the basis of this authentic practice.

I would like to make two comments regarding differences, East and West, that to some extent explain the issues discussed above. First, traditionally in the East children are raised by a large extended family. There is always someone around for a hug, reassurance, listening, and providing. Such an extended community provides a stable and loving childhood. In contrast, in modern times it is very difficult for a mother or a unit of mother and father to offer the same. Although the intention of selfless parenting may be the same, the inevitable consequences of the stressful environment of modern parenting allows little support for the exhausted, psychologically youthful and over-extended parent.

A second point I wish to raise is what I would call Western psychology’s demonization of motherhood. To me this is a devastating side-effect, rarely discussed, that profoundly impacts on the problems of adult intimacy. In the East the mother is deeply respected and honored for her role, irrespective of what must at times be less than perfection. This allows for the honoring and preservation of this initial and profound first intimacy.

In the West, it’s my observation that mother is held responsible for many adult difficulties and lacks the deep regard and honor given in the East. The cost of this demonization of motherhood, is in my view, deeply felt individually and culturally. These two factors may account for the difficulty in this practice taking authentic hold in the West.

Perhaps there is a lesson in this telling. None of us has reached the pinnacle of psychological health. We all suffer our past history. Perhaps it may yet be possible for each of us to look back, look beyond the psychological immaturity of our loved ones and open our wisdom and heart to the deeper love and selflessness that resides within the essential essence of each of us and is especially embodied in the motherly response to the total dependency of our life before, in, and out of the womb. This is not to justify psychological abuse, but rather to free us into a deeper capacity for forgiveness, gratitude, and intimacy on our path to a larger life and health. It is that attitude the primes the powerful practice of Tonglen.

How to do a Retreat

How to Create a Retreat

In these challenging times, fortunate individuals have an unexpected opportunity to turn their attention inward and listen in silence to life’s inner callings. For those who seek larger understandings, it is customary to routinely retreat from outer activity and mental clutter. Perhaps it is a short daily meditation, a longer silent retreat, related reading, or a vision quest. It is at such moments that we can mindfully listen and receive guidance from the natural rhythms and wisdom of life. It is how wise teachers and religious figures chose to align themselves with sacred harmony and deeper knowledge. It is in that inner silence that truth and wholeness are finally revealed to the earnest seeker.

Staying in one place and slowing down one’s “doings” is a consistent requirement of retreat. Although traditionally motivated by a personal longing for meaning and essence, today we are further enabled by a virus-forced mandate. That is where we are, and where we will be for a time to come. So why not grasp this opportunity?

To assist you in using this time well, I would like to share with you three types of retreat: outer, inner, and innermost. I hope this information will motivate you to create an in-home retreat, right where you are, right now. You can begin after reading these few words.

Outer Retreat

An outer retreat occurs when we establish the external conditions that are conducive to an inner and innermost retreat. As a result of the current restrictions that now shape daily life, creating an outer retreat is a bit easier. We are already set-off from the usual activities and distractions of daily life. So we begin by resisting the habit of filling newly found “free time” with more “stuff,” recreating our usual busyness. That’s a familiar pattern that runs deep in our psyche. Be aware of this mental habit when it arises. Watch it and let it go. There are deeper and more important longings and possibilities to now attend to.

Next, as best you can, bring harmony into your outer life. Your living space should be inviting to your soul and spirit, heart-warming, soft, and facilitate inner time. Meals can be prepared in peace and solitude. Harmony can prevail in relationships. Consider creating a special “sacred space” in your house for meditation and self-reflection. Some set-up a small table in a spare room upon which to place important photos, candles, or objects of a spiritual nature. That can bring a special sense of stillness and inspiration. Think of the energy, sweetness, and peace of nature, a religious space, or a meditation room. The cultivation of that essence is how we create an outer retreat that facilitates harmony of body, mind, and spirit.

Inner Retreat

Inner retreat is the formal time we use for daily meditation practice, as well as the informal time we are in a meditative space during daily activities. The aim of inner retreat is to rest in the stillness of mind rather than the usual mental commentary. Our formal sessions begin, particularly in times such as this, by giving rise to compassion and care for those who are suffering in difficult circumstances. I suggest as one possibility reciting the Bodhissattva Prayer written by Shantideva in the 900s. I will offer a link below. However, you can cultivate a compassionate attitude in whatever manner most suits you.

The next step in inner retreat is calming the mind. We begin with calming methods, using what you already know that works for you. I am linking below a 10-session audio recording that might assist you. The first 3 sessions focus on approaches to calming the mind. It doesn’t so much matter how you calm the mind, but that you calm it and then rest in the stillness that underlies mental chatter. Mind-talk will inevitably arise, but that doesn’t mean you cannot stay calm in the midst of background noise. You can. Disregard the pull of your usual mind. Allow mental activity to come and go on its own. Allow the usual mental commentary to play itself out. But you, you, remember who you are. The one who is aware, who observes, is still, and fully aware. You are not your thoughts, beliefs, and mental commentary.

What is the aim of an inner retreat? The aim is to empty our mind of afflictive/disturbing emotions, experience the peace and serenity of a calm mind, cultivate the capacity to remain emotionally stable in challenging circumstances, and allow an open space for new insights regarding self, reality, and life directions to naturally and spontaneously arise. As we continue this daily inner retreat, we will recognize its value and realize that even in the midst of outer turbulence there can be inner stability and strength. That is the essence of an inner retreat, we retreat into a calm, clear, alert, and peaceful mind.

Innermost Retreat

The final stage of retreat is an innermost retreat. I am sorry to say that this is the most difficult to convey in words, as to know it, you must experience it directly. Much as you cannot know the actual taste of a Mango by merely listening to a description of it, you cannot know the actual nature of an innermost experience without tasting the center of your being. However, I’ll do the best I can to point you in that direction.

There is an experience, an experience of the innermost and most expansive ground of our being, that we can call spirit, essence, natural self, true self, empty-awareness, or any one of the many names that refer to it. It contains and gives rise to all other levels of experience. One can say it is the ground of our being, a place of isness, thatness, beingness, or pure presence. It just is. When great teachers are asked what it is, they mysteriously answer “It is that.” That’s not much of an answer, because there isn’t an answer. When you experience it, you will know.

Yet, the good news is that we have all experienced our innermost being at one time or another. Whenever we experience the loss of a sense of personal self and its preoccupations, we experience life in that moment as an easy flow. We taste the expansiveness and pervasiveness of peace, and joy. We can catch a glimpse during when we “lose” our usual self in dance, music, art, meditation, yoga, exercise, nature, intimacy, and so on. These moments are usually considered lovely serendipitous experiences. They come and go with a smile. In contrast, what we seek in retreat is an intentional and increasingly stable meeting with our innermost self.

There is no particular effort or practice you can use to directly access this innermost presence. The best you can do is to remove the obstacles, experience a longing and desire to return to your inner home, and allow for grace. So you don’t “do” an innermost retreat, you let go and allow it to happen. Your efforts towards inner development enhance the probability that you will touch this natural self. And let’s remember, we are not visitors to this innermost place. It is who we are. Resting in the ground of our being is the innermost retreat.

So we begin retreat with an intention and commitment based on the understanding that outer experiences as well as mental experiences are transient. We realize the fatigue of a life spent searching for our self in perishable experiences. Increasingly, we trust that the only sustaining experience is the unchanging nature of our true self, our true nature. We cultivate a harmonious outer environment that supports retreat. That is followed by calming the mind through meditation practice and resting in stillness and serenity. This inner retreat can at any time spontaneously open into an innermost retreat, revealing the essential nature of our natural essence and self – the truth of our existence. If not, we feel blessed and enriched with what we have learned and experienced.

Some final words - start simply, be patient, do not attach to expectations, and appreciate the here and now of meditation practice and retreat. And add a dash of discipline.

I do hope that this short description of the three aspects of retreat allows you to wisely use this in-between time. Perhaps you will then find the precious gold that is often most accessible at times of great adversity.

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Quarantine or Retreat

What can we learn at times such as this? How can we transform a catastrophic circumstance into an opportunity for self and others? Is it possible to embrace the inevitable challenges and difficulties of human existence that threaten life and emerge wiser, more loving, and alive? These are some of the great spiritual questions that throughout time have engaged humankind.

Seen from one perspective, human life is a folly. Fraught with lifelong challenges and ending with the pain and struggle of disease, aging, and death. So what, we rightfully ask, is the meaning and purpose of life? How is it to be lived? Is there a “way out” of this dilemma that binds us together in the difficult effort of finding serenity and purpose in what seems like a cryptic and unchosen human fate?

Throughout time and across diverse cultures humankind, enmeshed in physical existence, has searched for a remedy. In modern times we have been conditioned to go down the path of outer accomplishment – name, fame, affluence, achievement, transitory pleasures, and so on. But temporary distraction and relief is not a permanent remedy to the reality that all things material are perishable and will certainly be lost to the invariable of change - ego and body included. There is no exception granted here. It may seem an endless and futile effort, leading to exhaustion and final failure. And even our efforts to temper this seeming fate with “healthy” approaches – relaxation-based meditation, physical yoga, fitness, nutrition, psychological development, and so on – help, but miss the point. The fundamental shift that heals has not yet been taken.

I would like to break the flow here to speak about my last few months. I planned time away from my usual home to be near my children and grandchildren. I expected to meet new friends, attend gatherings, and enjoy a variety of activities. But something very different happened that is difficult to convey in words. I noticed after a few weeks that I was spending much time alone and was losing interest in the “outer” world and its activities. I began to meditate more, read, write, and listen online to teachers that touch my soul. What is becoming of me, I thought – a hermit? To be honest, I was a bit concerned.

And yet I was deeply serene and happy for no apparent reason. I was touching, it seemed, an inner something that although unnamable and indescribable, seemed hardy, reliable, unchanging, and life-sustaining. I can’t tell you exactly what this deeper “something” is, although many have given it names. So perhaps I can call it a deeper more authentic sense of self. It felt quite real, stable, and precious. It took me more than month to realize that something, perhaps aging and its difficult and unavoidable questions, had thrust me out of worldly activities and unknowingly into an unsuspected retreat – not withdrawal from danger, unless one’s ego delusions are considered an enemy rather than a teacher. But, rather a pull, or push, towards something within that seemed the only meaningful and trustworthy response to my human existence.

Regardless of common belief that faith is an excess of religious thinking, I found that faith was unexpectedly there in my inner travels. How can you journey inward towards what in modern times seems invisible, immaterial, and unreal without faith? And, yet that is the nature of consciousness and the inner source of healing. It cannot be known through the senses. It can only be known through heart and faith. And so here it was that I was encountering an “acceptable” and essential faith in an essence that seemed very real, although invisible in common terms.

My time away ended abruptly as I chose to return home when the realities of a runaway virus became evident. And, it was then that I realized that the forces of life, unsought and unchosen, had landed myself and all of us into an unexpected solitude and retreat, offering a unique and once-in-a-lifetime forced withdrawal from outer “doings.” Please understand that I am not romanticizing the challenges and suffering that this imposes on many, but rather looking at what we can gain as humans from what is.

Serendipitously, I began re-reading the Bhagavad Gita, the holy Hindu text in which the god Krishna, Arjuna’s charioteer, teaches Arjuna, the leader of an army, about the true nature of life and existence right there on the battlefield moments before the battle begins. That is where we are – on the battlefield in the midst of a great challenge. We are now forced to stop our doings. And, if we see the opportunity we have been thrust into, we can allow ourselves to sit still, rest and relax, surrender to what is, look within, and explore the invisible and life-sustaining dimensions of our deeper self.

If we can stop watching the news, let go of electronic distractions, embrace with heart the care of others, and surrender to the great challenge that confronts us, much as Arjuna, we will have gained the most precious of all gifts. We will touch into the immense and simple beauty of presence, the irrefutable realization of our inter-connectedness, and the unchanging immortal nature of soul and spirit. We will have won the only true battle – the battle between light and dark – a battle that can only be one at the level of soul and spirit.

With a small tweak, chosen or forced, our attention can shift inwards. And, that makes all the difference.

Some Simple Suggestions:

• Surrender to the reality of what is. We never had the level of control our ego deluded us into believing. Let go. Let be
• Find a small space in your house that can be your sacred space for quiet, reflection, and meditation.
• Schedule time each day, preferably in the morning, to be still, meditate, self-reflect. Allow yourself to “do” nothing. It’s OK.
• Listen to inspirational videos by a teacher or religious figure that touches your soul and spirit.
• Set time aside for inspirational reading.
• Engage in regular physical activity and wholesome nutrition.Have faith that there is a mystery unfolding that can teach and transform.
• And last, but actually first, care for others. Selfless service opens the heart.

Can you turn one room or space in our home into a meditator’s cave, a monastery, or a seminary? If so, self-isolation and quarantine can become sacred retreat. We may never have chosen retreat, but in a cryptic way it’s been forced upon us. Please use it.

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